Going through change and transitions isn’t easy, and some of the reasons this even gets more complex are – EXPECTATIONS & RESISTANCE.
Expectation – a strong belief that something will happen or be the case in the future; a belief that someone will or should achieve something.
We learn to have expectations since childhood. Our parents, caregivers, teachers and society fill our brains with messages and definitions on how’s, what’s and why’s that slowly but steady, shape our thoughts and perception. We’re basically told how to think, what to expect, how to live and why we should follow.
Certainly, we all benefit from teachings of social behavior and values that help us live in harmony with each other. But the definition of how to live, what to do and why is for you to discover, not to follow.
You’ll take disappointment out of the equation when you get rid of expectations. Because, the reality is, no one is in charge of your life, but yourself. So, whatever happens in your life is because you are creating and/or allowing; we all should really understand this. It isn’t about the actions or decisions others do or did, but what you do to turn around however those actions or decisions may have impacted your life. Everything else are excuses, perhaps rooted in immaturity, victimization, fear or ignorance. Blaming others or blaming out of hand circumstances, is nothing but a waste of time.
What if we changed the concept of expectations and instead of putting our fate in outside events or others, we put that fate in ourselves? What if we stop expecting outcomes with fixed ideas and labels about everything we do, say or happens to us?
Have intentions, not expectations. The first turn-around you can do in your life with regards on expectations is to replace them with intentions.
What not having expectations means? It certainly doesn’t mean living without dreams, goals or desires…
It means, taking off the heavy weight of all that doesn’t serve you:
- fixed ideas and tags of shoulds and shouldn’ts
- distorted beliefs
- fear and misconception of what happiness and success are
In doing so, you will alleviate the self-inducted pain that comes with judgement and resistance.
Give it a try to intend rather than expect. Get actively involved in the outcome of your life, rather than becoming a simple spectator who lives kneeled down to fate. Waiting for something to happen, expecting life to unfold a certain way, people behave a certain way. Expecting your children to recognize and appreciate your sleepless nights and self-giving actions, and call them ungrateful when they don’t; expecting your spouse to read your mind and know ahead of time your needs and dreams, only to feel disappointed or unloved when he/she doesn’t; expecting for your boss to know when to reward your effective efforts, and get demotivated when it doesn’t happen; expecting your friends to know you better, and be upset when they don’t. Expectations lead to disappointment because they nurture false ways of thinking.
Living with intention means getting involved in your life’s outcomes. Visualize and nurture what you can co-create and reap the benefits of feeling happier, fulfilled, appreciated, loved, and experience a greater sense of wellbeing. Understanding your role as co-creator in your life is powerful.
Malika Chopra, teaches us what living with intent means – “when you live with intent, you learn to consciously plant the seeds of your dreams, water them, and nurture them along the way. You learn to appreciate the gifts of the moment, and to stop, slow down, and take a much-needed breath.”
Plant the seeds of what you most want and nurture them every day.